You may or may not know you have a problem. And you may or may not want to admit it. Or maybe you saw this post and just felt spiritually inclined to click it. No one is judging you. Just like you, I may or may not have a problem that I may or may not want to admit. Do not worry. You came to the right place. This is a safe space. Now sit back, relax, and embrace your addiction.
1. You are constantly measuring your hair. Now girl you know you just did the big chop. Stop calling your mum every time a new hair follicle pops out. And your Instagram followers do not need an update on your .0005 of a millimeter growth. Stop stressing yourself out! Enjoy the process and let it happen NaturALLy 😉
2. You have more natural hair products in your fridge than you do food. But the products don’t stop in the fridge. Your hair products can be found in your dresser, closet, under your bed, and girl I heard at the parent teacher conference that you accidentally put the Fresh Avocado Deep Conditioner in Sam’s lunch box instead of applesauce. That is just wrong!
3. You refer to your natural hair as he or she. Mine is named Rihanna (Eeoooww).
“Rihanna is having a bad hair day.”
“Ooooh Rihanna is looking good tah-day!”
“Do NOT touch Rihanna or she will cut you!” 😤
4. You buy anything and everything that promotes natural hair. Earrings, shirts, mugs, wine glasses, etc. I’m going to leave it at that…
5. You’re always promoting peace, love, and happiness, WHILE encouraging people to go natural.
“Now Denise, let me tell you something. Ever since I went natural, I have been sleeping better, my grades are flourishing, I grew a whole inch taller, AND I just got engaged! Now I know the same thing will happen to you if you just let go of that creamy crack, start drinking water, and try the Damaged Hair Solution I have been telling you about.”
*Applauses in Black 👏🏾Girl 👏🏾Magic 👏🏾*
6. You use food and ingredients in your kitchen for your hair. Bananas, rice, grapes, spaghetti, mangoes, eggs, AVOCADOS. Oh wait, that actually sounds a little familiar 🤔
7. You cancel plans so you can stay home for a little TLC and wash day
“Oh sorry I can’t make it to your wedding. My dog died.”
“Wait but you don’t have a dog...”
“Oh did I say dog?... I meant my plant Orchid named dog died.”
*Realizes she is very guilty of number 7 but is not going to admit it* 💅🏾
8. Every time you go shopping, you just so happen to accidentally end up in the beauty aisle and just so happen to forget that you came to get diapers.
If you see me sitting on the floor of Target comparing Jamaican Black Castor Oil Growth Serums, mind your business Edna! Get your waffles and stop trying to kill my vibe. Some enjoy long walks on the beach, and some enjoy long walks to the beauty aisle 🤷🏾♀️
9. Nothing makes you happier than your Wash N' Go coming out right. Your husband? Yea, he’s just not relevant at the moment. The kid? I meaan, she's cute, but this WASH N GO?? Honneeyy!
10. You enter every single Instagram and Youtube giveaway even though you have products spilling out of your cabinet. You even use your mum and stepdaughter’s email to buy products and get yourself extra entries. Mmhhhmm @amylovesmike411 you’re not slick. I saw you in the comment 6 times.
If you nodded your head to 7/10 of these, meet me at the NaturAllholic Anonymous meeting. Cold apple juice and light snacks will be served! And I promise I won’t mistake the dip for Fresh Avocado Deep Conditioner like last time 😬